


Arms

by GoogleBlue



Series: Love Letters [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 09:10:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11779956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoogleBlue/pseuds/GoogleBlue
Summary: John is leaving. And nothing Alex can do will stop him. He's leaving *for* Alex. It's not like he wants to, but he has to. At least, that's what he keeps telling himself.





	Arms

[

youtu.be/FvbErM6ZTBA

]

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart

But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me

And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

You put your arms around me and I'm home

[

Alexander,

You know I hold you very close to my heart, always. From the first night I laid my eyes on you, I felt something spark there in my chest, and the little voice in my head urged me to pursue it. To pursue you. In fact, I still have that napkin with your phone number on it, tucked safely into the pages of my sketchbook, as a reminder.

It never occurred to me that we would get this far, actually; that we would share a love so deeply rooted in our being. I used to go home after a day of work to a wife every night, and feel nothing for her but sympathy. But coming home to you, that was something I felt for even before we moved in together.

]

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?

I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let our love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home

[

I know I've made this extremely difficult for you, and for that, I am sorry. I'm sorry I waited so long to let us happen. I'm sorry I pushed and pushed until we were both broken. I'm sorry I walked out after you first told me you loved me. And a thousand more apologies for what I'm about to do.

I want you to know, before everything falls apart, that I will always keep you with me. Often times while away, I like to recall the memory of our first date. The layer of apprehension and the little bud of attraction and the possibility of something timeless... everything about us was fresh and alive. I have a strange feeling that nothing will ever come close to that again. 

]

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved

I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me

And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...

[

After everything we've been through I cannot fathom why I've decided this is the only solution, but it's all I can think of. Maybe, if my mind were as great as yours, I'd have something better.

I won't drag you into this mess with me. I won't make you face my problems for me. I know you want to face anything and anyone that would dare threaten even the smallest part of me, and that you want to shield me from them. I know when I told you about it, you held me close and whispered "I love you" as I cried into your shoulder. Those tears made me realize that I was putting too much pressure on you. And as much as I wanted to stay safe in your arms for the rest of my life, I knew it was too much.

I'm not saying I want to go, because believe me if this were another life I would stay. And I would love you forever. So it is not my intention to hurt you, for I would never do so unnecessarily, but I believe it is in both of our best interests if I just left.

]

I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let our love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home

I try my best to never let you in to see the truth

And I've never opened up

I've never truly loved till you put your arms around me

And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

[

Every man has had his share of lovers, but none of mine were so great as you. I shared with you my whole being. My whole heart. My beautiful mother and my oppressive father. My ambitious dream and my attempts to foster it. A dream you shared, by the way, which made you that much easier to love.

Your glittering eyes that welcomed me every night, I will miss. The crease of your brow as you scribble furiously onto a paper, I will miss. You, I will miss, and everything that you remind me of will be missed.

Honestly, it seems all I'm able to do nowadays is miss.

]

I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let our love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

[

When you've moved on and find yourself in moments of relapse, think of me as one thing: a past lover. A distant and far-off force; unobtainable. I am not coming back. I cannot come back to you, or to us, as much as we may both want. I will never feel your warmth again. The coffe shop we met in will turn bittersweet. The stars we kissed under will be no more than blinking beacons of what once was. The summers we spent together must become twisted and torn until neither of us remember the creak of the swings or the rustle of the trees. Forget me, Alexander. I promise it'll make this all a lot easier on the both of us, if you just forget.

]

**Author's Note:**

> I'm probs gonna redo this with a different song maybe??? Idk but I am not satisfied with this.


End file.
